Yikes a month and a half...

Since I've blogged. Things just seem to get worse and more hectic when I think it's going to get better. Owen has four teeth now and two coming in on the bottom. He's hitting me and head butting me now. When he gets mad he head butts me n then I smack his hand and he hits me back. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!! Why couldn't I have a nice baby boy? Ethan needs to get counseling. But he's been doing ok. My mom seems to think that he needs to be on meds for ADD. But in my opinion I don't like meds for kids. If it's natural and it works then I'll consider it. I have opted out of getting the boys vaccinated and my mom is freaking out about it. But I figure if something bad could happen then it probably will. Owen is scooting around but now crawling. He really likes standing up against stuff. I have been dealing with my brother being so depressed lately that he's suicidal and I had to take him to the hospital. But when he got there he down played how bad he is and they sent him home. So I'm REALLY annoyed and totally depressed myself because I want to get out of this house SO bad. I need a job to get a car to move to Phoenix but I don't want to get a job here if I'm going to move to Phoenix but I can't move there if I don't have a car and can't get a car if I don't have a job. LOL it sucks. So I've been kind of in bed most of the time because Owen is constantly sick and I haven't had sleep in a month and then I've been depressed. Until yesterday when it rained and I was in a great mood. But now it's hot again and I'm blah. I kind of fell off the wagon with eating right and not drinking soda. But I'm trying to get back to it. I was working out a lot too but I won't ask my mom to watch the boys unless they are asleep, since she makes comments about it when she does have to watch them. I was waiting for the 10th of June to come around so I can start dating this guy here, but when I got to the court house they said it wasn't June that it was July 10th so then I can officially start dating him. But he's going to move to Phoenix because he can't make it financially here so it would be a long distance relationship. I don't know how that's going to work. The boys adore him and he's loves them. He's been teaching Ethan basketball and got him a skateboard and is teaching him to skate. He's REALLY good at it and really hot. He's plays guitar really well and is going to take over his dad's company soon. He's got things going for him and it's great, but then there's me. I feel like a total failure. I'm going to try and give my mom and dad a lil less this next month and get my GED. And then start looking into doing the schooling. I'm sure I can get some aid if I research it enough. I need to figure things out soon though. Get out of this house and take care of me and the boys. It'll make me feel better about myself I know it. I miss all my friends and need to call them. I hope they forgive me for being a recluse. I'll try to blog again soon.