Why do they feel like this?!?!

Why in the world does my family (my brother and mom) feel like I need to be controlled? In fact my "boyfriend" got in an arguement with my brother and said that I feel like they are controlling me and my brother says "Well she needs that!" I was SO pissed off I just wanted to get outta there. My brother and I aren't really talking right now because he's being a total jerk about it. He gave me his opinion and when I didn't agree with it he got all mad and told me that everything I have been doing is wrong and that I am being all self righteous. UGH! Whatever! So Chris and I aren't going to see each other or talk on the phone until my divorce is final. Just because I'm SO tired of hearing from everyone that they don't agree with this whole thing. Once I'm divorced they won't have anything to complain about. I just want to move out that's the point I'm at right now but I know I can't. Well I just wanted to complain and I'm taking the computer to the computer guy tonight so I will finally get my comp all set up and then I can set up my video blog and ipod and stuff. Can't wait. I can have those keep my mind off of not talking to Chris. *sniff sniff* I hope all is well with my friends!

Ugh I'm in love!!!

My stupid heart won't take it easy. I keep asking him to come around even tho my head keeps saying "keep your distance, take your time". Oh well. I'm SO attracted to him it's not even funny. I'm not used to it tho cuz he's the same height as me. When I wear my heels I feel like I'm towering over him. But I'm sure I'll get over that :)
So the boys absolutely love him and he loves them. He gets them toys all the time and plays basketball and catch with Ethan. It's really nice that he loves them. I've been doing pretty good but my family is making things stressful and difficult. I think I'll be moving out if once the divorce is final and we start dating that they are still being boneheads. He's really understanding about everything and wants to take care of us. Every wrench I've thrown his way he just keeps telling me that it doesn't matter to him. I've told him ALL about my past and he says it doesn't make his feelings change at all. Now that's a man. Cuz I have some major issues. LOL Owen finally has teeth. He got one about a week ago and he's got another one coming right now. Poor thing can't breath out of his nose and he's really cranky. He's doing good on the food thing. He likes just about EVERYTHING I put in his mouth. Ethan on the other hand is still picky as ever. Owen loves broccoli and green beans. He's not too into sweets. Weirdo. He's still not crawling but I'm sure it's because he's being doted on all the time. He doesn't need to move around cuz Grandma just comes and gets him when he makes a peep.
I'm so stoked I filed the default papers and the divorce should be final soon. I can't wait. The lowlife wants Ethan to fly out there for a week in July and I don't know if I want him to. I don't want him near her. She doesn't deserve to be around that wonderful lil boy. I think I'll make him just fly out here again.
I just got new contacts and glasses. Soon I'm going to get my wisdom teeth pulled and then I'm going to start schooling. I just have a few more phone calls to make. You'd think I'd have it done but I haven't had much motivation lately. I have been REALLY depressed and just trying to make it another day but now that I have Chris I have been doing all the stuff that I've needed to. I just want to get it going and then I'll be ok.
I am planning on going camping soon so that'll be a nice break. I need to call all my old friends and see how they are doing. I need to get back into life.

Crap!

He's still having an affect on my life dang it!!! I just told the guy that's interested in me to back off because I don't even know if I want a relationship or not. This sucks! I don't know what to do. I was just blah about it and then I was talking to this woman here that we are becoming good friends and we were exchanging our past experiences and I told her all about my two ex husbands and I was all freaked out. After that I called him and told him I needed some space and time. If I figured out that I wanted a relationship I would let him know. Right now I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle one more man in my life. They are entirely TOO stressful to take care of. LOL I know it's sounding like an adoption or something but to me that's what it feels like now. He's amazing, and he's REALLY good to me and says that I'm his dream girl but I'm so jaded into thinking that the only time a man is going to say something nice or do something nice for me it's because he wants in my pants. I'm tired of that, thinking back on my two marriages I realized thats the only time they were nice to me. When they wanted something from me. Why can't they just love us the way they are s'posed to. GRRR! So I'm feeling REALLY bad and depressed today because he's all upset. He says he's trying to put himself in my shoes and thinks he understands why I'm doing this but he's still bummed. He did move really fast and I think that was one reason I was freaked too. I don't know we shall see. Oh and I found out that as soon as I get my papers from my attorney I can just go file for default and I get everything I want. YAY!!! He hasn't put enough effort into finding out how to go against what I asked for so he's just gonna have to give it to me. I asked for full custody and I'm so glad I will have it. I can't wait for this to be over. After I just want to get away from here. Camping or something. I got a tent and a blow up bad for us. I just have to get some sleeping bags and a lantern and some other essentials. I can't wait. I haven't been in SO long. Well I gotta go. Hopefully I can just get thru another day. I miss my Yasmina and Tana. Wish I could have you near me!