Crap!

He's still having an affect on my life dang it!!! I just told the guy that's interested in me to back off because I don't even know if I want a relationship or not. This sucks! I don't know what to do. I was just blah about it and then I was talking to this woman here that we are becoming good friends and we were exchanging our past experiences and I told her all about my two ex husbands and I was all freaked out. After that I called him and told him I needed some space and time. If I figured out that I wanted a relationship I would let him know. Right now I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle one more man in my life. They are entirely TOO stressful to take care of. LOL I know it's sounding like an adoption or something but to me that's what it feels like now. He's amazing, and he's REALLY good to me and says that I'm his dream girl but I'm so jaded into thinking that the only time a man is going to say something nice or do something nice for me it's because he wants in my pants. I'm tired of that, thinking back on my two marriages I realized thats the only time they were nice to me. When they wanted something from me. Why can't they just love us the way they are s'posed to. GRRR! So I'm feeling REALLY bad and depressed today because he's all upset. He says he's trying to put himself in my shoes and thinks he understands why I'm doing this but he's still bummed. He did move really fast and I think that was one reason I was freaked too. I don't know we shall see. Oh and I found out that as soon as I get my papers from my attorney I can just go file for default and I get everything I want. YAY!!! He hasn't put enough effort into finding out how to go against what I asked for so he's just gonna have to give it to me. I asked for full custody and I'm so glad I will have it. I can't wait for this to be over. After I just want to get away from here. Camping or something. I got a tent and a blow up bad for us. I just have to get some sleeping bags and a lantern and some other essentials. I can't wait. I haven't been in SO long. Well I gotta go. Hopefully I can just get thru another day. I miss my Yasmina and Tana. Wish I could have you near me!