The update...

So things have gotten a lil better lately. Ethan has been getting better with the bathroom problem and I'm starting to realize that Brandon was NEVER good for me in the first place. Don't get me wrong...we were really good together and I loved him more than anything, but I need someone who is going to actually CARE for me and the boys like we deserve to be. Not to just deal with being second rate. Owen is only three months old and already teething!!! The poor guys always cranky. I can't eat ANYTHING these days cuz it all bothers his stomach. Oh well. He's SO sweet, first thing in the morning he is all smiles and cooing and squeaking. He's gotten everyone around here all in love with him. I feel bad for Ethan tho, he is constantly getting yelled at. It seems like that's all anyone, even me, does when they open their mouth at him. I try so hard to spend time with him but since Owen started teething he's REALLY needy and I'm torn between the two. GRRR!! I don't even know what to do. I've been wanting to move to New Mexico to be with my cousin since her and I are best friends. But I just got back from there and Ethan can't get along with anyone. I was doing nothing but yelling at him to leave his second cousin alone since he did nothing but annoy him.I DO NOT want to stay here cuz I hate it here and don't feel comfortable, but the only place I really loved and was really happy was Oregon, but I don't want to be so close to Brandon. I feel responsible for Ethan being like that and I have NO idea how to fix it. I wish like crazy that he could be that adorable happy sweet lil boy that he used to be before we left his dad. Brandon told me on the phone that he was getting sick of me throwing this all in his face all the time. HAHA! My bad that I think he needs to feel terrible about his decision as much as I possibly can. I want him to lose sleep and even cry about it even though I'm sure he hasn't or won't. Does that make me a bad person? I tried to be nice when he came out for Ethan's birthday and picked him up at the airport and drove him around with the boys for three days! I didn't get one thank you or anything! In fact he acted like doing that for him was expected of me. Like since he puts out money for the boys I should do something for him. Idiot! It's sad that I'm just now realizing how bad his selfishness is. Oh well, his loss. I finally got the papers done and went to drop them off. I need to go to the courthouse to file for waiver or deferral of payment. But I can't even file until December 28th since I will be here for 6 months then.