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A lil gross...

So I haven't blogged in a while but it seems like I don't have any time anymore. Right now I should be cleaning the kitchen and packing for my trip but right now I'm blogging and nursing lol. At least I'm getting two things done at once. :) So my bonehead brother that I had a lil problems with moved off the property but left his two cats and two turtles and wanted to bring his dog over but my mom put a stop to that. They are both boy cats and have peed on EVERYTHING in the garage because he kept letting them in. They peed on my luggage and I had to throw them away. So I have to wait to get paid and then I can go to PHX to buy new REALLY cute luggage, but I have to pack all my stuff in plastic bags and then take them with me cuz I have to leave the next day. Ok so on with my pet story. They left two turtles outside by the front door and put a heat lamp and some straw there. It got too cold and one of the turtes left the lamp and basically died. It was RIGHT next to the front door. I left it there since my brother comes by every day to pick up my dad for work and he NEVER did anything to bury it or get rid of it. So here comes the gross part. It started getting warm here, and it looked like someone had stretched out it's head and legs. I think that's the effect from the heat. Either way my son was asking about it. I think it's rediculous that he couldn't even take responsibility for it and do something. So I finally went out and dug a hole and buried it. It was gross I wanted to vomit.
Ok onto other things. I am soon to get my tax return back. I can't wait to spend it lol. I asked Butthead to pack 2 boxes, that's all just 2 boxes of my stuff and he could give them to my friend that travels there all the time and then it would be cheaper for him to just do that. He made up some lame story that he didn't have time to go to storage and pack stuff so I didn't get my stuff. He says he's going to use his tax return to get a pod and send all my stuff. What an idiot. He could have saved some money. But if he does that the company he'll use doesn't travel to my town it only goes to PHX so I have to find a truck and go get all of it. Such a butthead. Anyways, I told him right out that if he wants to talk to me he can call E's phone since he insisted on getting a four year old a cell phone, and that I wasn't going to waste my minutes on him. I'm pretty sure that pissed him off. But oh well. My friend went to Oregon and ate at the claim jumper "she" works at and saw her. (My friend has to take customers where they want to go to do business) and said she looked REALLY unhappy. YAY! I know its terrible but honestly I slept better after she told me. :) I'm not that bad of a person.
So I'm leaving this Friday for PHX and then Saturday morning for Cali. I can't wait, to see my brother and sis in law they are SO sweet. And I'm excited to see my in laws, but kind of apprehensive since we haven't seen each other since the split and I don't know what they'll want to talk about. But I'm good now so it'll be ok.
I'm so proud of myself. I got some Tilapia and got a recipe off the internet and then made it and it was really good. I'm not much of a fish person but I liked it a lot. I wanted to start eating more fish since it's better for you and so I tried it. It's good :)
I am also going au naturel! I'm a regular to the EWG.org website and they have this section called skin deep. They try a bunch of products, deoderant, makeup, lotion etc. the ingredients and even the secret ingredients that they don't put on the product. Anyways, they test it all and then rate the ingredients on a one to ten scale, ten being the most hazardous. So I'm going with the stuff that is the least hazardous since mom pretty much has skin cancer. It's gonna be quite a change but it's better for me and the boys. I'm gonna try to get everyone to check out the stuff they use on their bodies and make sure they aren't really bad for them. Hope you all are doing well.

So I want to pull my hair out...

So I just got word from the butthole that he got Ethan a cell phone! A firefly, one of those phones that can only call a few numbers. Well he got it and then decided to go with AT&T instead of Sprint since sprint doesn't do the firefly, he could of returned the firefly and gotten something else thru sprint but I think he did it this way so that he doesn't have to pay for my phone anymore. So I won't have a phone in two weeks. Actually he's going to start paying now since the child support is court ordered and I'll get my own phone. He's been trying to get Ethan to come out to Oregon like crazy lately, it's pathetic since he's trying everything he can to not pay child support. I told him he needs to quit putting things in his head, because Ethan doesn't understand that he won't be there for him ever! I told him that Ethan wants to see HIM not the stranger that he'd be dumping him off with. I'm so mad. I wish this was just over soon. I just want to get the divorce over with and get on with my life. I just spoke with another one of my friends and she left her husband. What is wrong with these men?!?! What happened to love? What happened to marriage? and kindness? Why does he feel the need to be rude to me when we are on the phone when he's the reason why we are in this situation? Why can't he just let things go, and let me have my way right now, I'm not going to do anything that'll have a bad end for him. I don't want the boys to think that I'm mean, and I'm not! I've done things that no normal person would, in fact people keep asking me if I'm still in love with him. I'm by far in love, I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm sick of Ethan being around yelling and fighting all the time. I don't feel like a very good parent. I'm feeling like a failure but I won't give up on them, they are my life and they need me to hang in there. So I will.