The update...

So things have gotten a lil better lately. Ethan has been getting better with the bathroom problem and I'm starting to realize that Brandon was NEVER good for me in the first place. Don't get me wrong...we were really good together and I loved him more than anything, but I need someone who is going to actually CARE for me and the boys like we deserve to be. Not to just deal with being second rate. Owen is only three months old and already teething!!! The poor guys always cranky. I can't eat ANYTHING these days cuz it all bothers his stomach. Oh well. He's SO sweet, first thing in the morning he is all smiles and cooing and squeaking. He's gotten everyone around here all in love with him. I feel bad for Ethan tho, he is constantly getting yelled at. It seems like that's all anyone, even me, does when they open their mouth at him. I try so hard to spend time with him but since Owen started teething he's REALLY needy and I'm torn between the two. GRRR!! I don't even know what to do. I've been wanting to move to New Mexico to be with my cousin since her and I are best friends. But I just got back from there and Ethan can't get along with anyone. I was doing nothing but yelling at him to leave his second cousin alone since he did nothing but annoy him.I DO NOT want to stay here cuz I hate it here and don't feel comfortable, but the only place I really loved and was really happy was Oregon, but I don't want to be so close to Brandon. I feel responsible for Ethan being like that and I have NO idea how to fix it. I wish like crazy that he could be that adorable happy sweet lil boy that he used to be before we left his dad. Brandon told me on the phone that he was getting sick of me throwing this all in his face all the time. HAHA! My bad that I think he needs to feel terrible about his decision as much as I possibly can. I want him to lose sleep and even cry about it even though I'm sure he hasn't or won't. Does that make me a bad person? I tried to be nice when he came out for Ethan's birthday and picked him up at the airport and drove him around with the boys for three days! I didn't get one thank you or anything! In fact he acted like doing that for him was expected of me. Like since he puts out money for the boys I should do something for him. Idiot! It's sad that I'm just now realizing how bad his selfishness is. Oh well, his loss. I finally got the papers done and went to drop them off. I need to go to the courthouse to file for waiver or deferral of payment. But I can't even file until December 28th since I will be here for 6 months then.

This is my life...

So I'm married (for now) to a complete loser. I got married (for the second time) to a great guy 4 and a half years ago. We had a beautiful baby boy who is 4 now and got pregnant in February with our second boy. In June of this year right before our 4 year wedding anniversary I started to notice something strange in my husband. Then at the end of June I confronted him and found out that he had been sleeping with some hag from his work. I am six months pregnant at this time. I left and flew to Arizona from Oregon, to be around people that I loved and love me and waited to hear from him to tell me he wanted to work things out and to come back. It took him two weeks to decide. In my opinion, you should know right away. So, I flew back and tried my best to change in the ways that he said he wanted me to. To try not to go crazy knowing that he was going right back to work to work with her. He never even tried to call me from work when I asked, to do little things to try and gain back my trust. We didn't even try counseling before he said that he didn't want to try anymore, that he would be forcing it and that I irratated him too much. So I'm here in Arizona and trying my best to get through with no money and schooling with a 4 year old and a newborn. If it weren't for my parents I don't know where I'd be. Granted there is always a LOT of drama being back at my parents but I'm dealing. Things get REALLY overwhelming at times when my 4 year old acts up or starts going in his underwear again, but what doesn't kill me will make stronger right?